Adult Dating
The concept of committed men and women looking for romantic adventures outside of their marriage dates back through the ages. Marital infidelity, which we all know means the act of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one's husband, wife or partner1, has been going on for years.
Historically, most of this activity has been attributed to the errant husband, but research shows married women are increasingly engaging in extramarital affairs. And, it's not restricted to one partner discreetly engaging in relations outside the marriage. In some circles, polyamory - or consensual, responsible non-monogamy relationships with multiple partners2 - is regularly practiced.
According to Statistics Brain, 22% of married men admitted to at least one affair in 2016, compared to 14% for married women.3
Similarly, a 2016 study conducted by the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy and cited in an online article by Sara Coughlin noted that 21% of survey respondents admitted to an open or non-monogamous relationship at least once in their adult life.4
So, let's take a brief look at the history of adult dating and some other affair tidbits you may find interesting before embarking on this next chapter of your sexual journey.
Romantic Affairs and Western Culture
Except for the Puritans of early 16th century America, it's only been since the 18th century and the rise of the bourgeoisie (or working class) up until the free love movement of the 1960's and the sexual revolution in the seventies that dating outside of marriage was frowned upon in western society. Before then, extramarital affairs were quite common and often encouraged among the aristocratic classes. And in earlier cultures, such as the Greeks and Romans, extramarital sex was anything but taboo and thought of as erotic and normal. These fascinating concepts are explored in Michel Foucault's ground-breaking study, The History of Sexuality, published in three volumes between 1976 and 1984.5
In this seminal work, Mr. Foucault examines the theory of sexual repression from the late 1700's onward and how it shaped people's views of sex in more modern times.
In their 2010 controversial best-selling book, "Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality," authors Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha argue that until the advent of agriculture and private property ten thousand years ago, prehistoric man - and woman - were basically non-monogamous and less sexually possessive. This theory is chronicled in an online interview in Salon by Thomas Rogers and provides a fascinating glimpse into the evolution of sex and modern North America's fixation on fidelity. In response to a question about monogamous relationships, co-author Ryan states "All we're really hoping for is to encourage more tolerance and more open discussion between men and women about sexuality and about marriage, and to come to see that marriage isn't about sex. It's about things that are much deeper and more lasting, especially if you have children. And the American insistence on mixing love and sex and expecting passion to last forever is leading to great suffering that we think is tragic and unnecessary."6
So, does this explain why a significant portion of married men and women, as well as committed heterosexual, gay or , women seeking women and transgender people, continue to seek out the company of those other than their primary partner?
Over the last several hundred years, married dating in western society has taken many forms. From discreet romantic trysts within one's social circle or using the services of professional escorts in the 18th and 19th centuries, to personal ad dating, petting parties, polyamorous dating, love-ins, key parties and internet bulletin board matchups of the twentieth century, people have always found ways to escape the confines of conventional life in pursuit of erotic pleasure.
Even today, forty years after the publication of Foucault's first study, and amidst one of the world's greatest scientific and technological revolutions, most of us still find ourselves bound by societal conventions of marriage. Which means that married dating or on one's spouse still demands a certain level of discretion.
If you crave a discreet connection, we have the tools to help you find the right person in the 21st century.
Married Dating in the Age of Social Media
Finding an extramarital date in today's world can be a dizzying prospect. The number of internet dating sites and affair dating apps can be daunting for married adults searching for discreet connections.
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snap, YouTube, Grindr, Tindr and endless online dating websites may mean more choice, but do they get you to where you want to be?
In end, they are simply options, not necessarily the tools you need. But one thing is certain in this day and age - online dating is the preferred choice of most dating adults.
In a recent article by Aaron Smith of the Pew Research Centre, users of online dating are generally positive about dating digitally. In a survey conducted between June and July of 2015, respondents provided the following results:
80% of Americans who have used online dating agree that it is a good way to meet people
62% agree that online dating allows people to find a better match because they get to know a lot more about people
61% agree online dating is easier and more efficient than other ways of meeting people7
Just remember, everyone leaves a digital footprint. So, if you are a married man or woman looking for a discreet connection, you may want to be somewhat selective in the online tool you use.
While you may be tempted to try sites and apps used by today's millennials, be aware that these services are designed for a more carefree, younger clientele. Not only have they created their own specific online language with terms like ghosting, stashing, zombieing and roaching, this age group thinks nothing of posting every aspect of their romantic life on social media.
Traditional dating sites can be useful, but are somewhat time-consuming. These sites are usually based on matching people with potential mates, not dates. Which means they may not meet the ultimate needs of those often looking for a casual, no-commitment relationship.
Similarly, dating sites like Tinder, or pages on Facebook or Twitter, may be convenient and accessible on everyone's iPhone or Android, but fail to ensure your privacy. You could be a link away from someone you know - or worse, who knows your family.
At AshleyMadison.com we provide you with reliable and confidential tools to explore the world of infidelity and help you find the right person for your desires and circumstances. Life is short. Have an affair.
