A report on

female sexuality & cheating

habits
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Introduction

When women have extramarital affairs, their habits, reasons and behaviors differ from men. We sought to understand among our female members why, when and how they’re cheating on their partners. The results gave an insight into the psyche of the cheating woman, dispelled societal and gender myths and brought us one step closer to understanding some of the complicated questions about female sexuality. What we discovered will surprise, enlighten and challenge your preconceptions of why women cheat.

Are women bored by monogamy?

“Exploring relationships outside my marriage has given me a newfound excitement in my life. I didn't realize how much I needed something like this, just for myself.”
- Female Member, 30s, Australia

According to our data, women aren’t more wired for monogamy, as some people perceive. They are just as likely to get bored of having only one partner as men. Many of them find themselves in either sexless or orgasmless relationships over time, which directly coincides with lowered attraction levels toward their spouse.

The 7 Year-Itch

How does time affect sex
within a marriage?

5
Years in
Noticed a decline in
sexual frequency
6
Years in
Noticed a decline in
sexual quality
7
Years in
Had their first affair
Multiple Choice

How would you
describe your marriage?

40%
Functional
33%
Sexless
24%
Mundane
Multiple Choice

Have you become
less attracted to your spouse?

64%
Yes
36%
No
Multiple Choice

Why is extramarital
sex better?

45%
to experiment more sexually
42%
to have more frequent sex than with my spouse
39%
novelty
38%
explore my sexual fantasies

Why do women seek an extramarital affair?

“More than half of the women I talked to said: ‘I’m in a sexless marriage or I’m not having orgasms, and that’s why I’m cheating.’”
Alicia Walker, author of The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women’s Infidelity

Whether they’re in a marriage that’s sexless, unsatisfying, or just functional, an extramarital affair can fulfill women’s needs in ways their primary partnership can’t.

How did
women rate their
sex life out of

10?
4
10
With their
spouse
6
10
Before they
got married
7
10
With their
affair partner

Are women prioritizing their pleasure?

Sacrificing sex for stability is no longer necessary - if women aren’t getting pleasure in their marriage, they can find it in an affair. They derive emotional stability from their primary relationship but no longer desire sexual exclusivity with their spouse.

Function vs Pleasure

64%
admitting to feeling sexually neglected in their primary relationship
47%
said their partner rarely or never performs oral sex when asked
40%
said their partner rarely or never makes them orgasm
43%
of respondents said they’re staying married “for the kids”

Do women lose interest in sex?

Societal norms and gender stereotypes have led us to believe that women are less sexual than men, lose interest in sex quicker in long-term relationships, and see sex as a chore over time. Our research says otherwise.

Multiple Choice

What percent of
respondents masturbate?

21%
Daily
41%
Weekly
Multiple Choice

What percent of
respondents use sex toys?

10%
Daily
31%
Weekly
Multiple Choice

What percent of respondents
watch porn/read erotica?

14%
Daily
31%
Weekly
44%
said the primary reason for cheating is that they want more interesting and frequent sex
95%

of females have either gone to or considered going to a sex party.

92%
of respondents feel women are judged more harshly than men for adultery
Multiple Choice

Who do respondents confide in about their infidelity?

55%
a friend
16%
their spouse

Do women feel guilty for cheating?

Men have been traditionally portrayed as the ones capable of balancing both a spouse and a lover.  But the truth is, women are better at multitasking.  And according to this study, they may be better at cheating.
Dr. Tammy Nelson, PhD. author of When You're the One Who Cheats

The perception that women have a higher moral compass or feel more guilt for infidelity doesn’t ring true. However, they do feel more judged by society for straying.

37%
An affair is morally wrong, and I don’t feel guilty
31%
An affair is not morally wrong, and I don’t feel guilty
25%
An affair is morally wrong, and I do feel guilty
7%
An affair is not morally wrong, and I do feel guilty

Are women cheating to preserve their marriage?

Rather than using an affair to exit a sexless marriage, women are using their infidelity to supplement their existing relationships to stay sexually satisfied. They are also able to compartmentalize the functions of marriage versus an affair - while marriage can fulfill their desire for domesticity, an affair provides sexual satisfaction.

Multiple Choice

How have your affair(s)
affected your marriage?

32%
No
change
31%
Less
tension
22%
Happier
Marriage
Multiple Choice

How would you feel if your
spouse was cheating on you?

28%
Wouldn’t
care
27%
They have
before
21%
Relieved
22% said one of their rules for
having an affair is never getting emotionally involved.
64% of women claim they are no
longer attracted to their spouse,
‍but 74% said they still love them.

A Global Affair

The average number of affair partners is 5.7
Let’s break it down by country

10
Partners
Mexico
6
Partners
USA
Canada
UK
Chile
5
Partners
Australia
Brazil
Argentina
4
Partners
Spain
3
Partners
Colombia

Did the results surprise you?

While the majority of women still love their spouse, they don’t necessarily feel attracted to or are actively having sex with them. Women are making their pleasure a priority and changing the way they operate within their marriages, one affair at a time.

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*Based on a survey of 2,066 female members of Ashley Madison between July 25, 2019 and September 12, 2019.
ashleymadison.com is a global leader for married dating with more than 60 million people who have joined since 2002.
Unsplash photo credits: Ian Dooley, Ioana Cristiana, Malvestida Magazine, Nathan Dumlao
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