You know what works best in bed, you have read many guides about sex and how to be great in bed (if you have not, you should read the sex section). But instead, what is the worst sex advice? What is the worst suggestion/tip you have ever heard? I asked around the office here at the AshleyMadison.com; I was not surprised to hear that everyone in the office had at least once received bad bad sex advice.
I decided to write an entire article about the WORST sex advice, instead of the usual “top 10 sex tips for blah blah” that you can easily find inside a Cosmo magazine. See, if you know how to watch yourself from the worst sex advice, you can automatically do the opposite and become the best in the sack! Read along the following and do the EXACT OPPOSITE!
– Keep things spicy, shove some mardi gras beads up her vagina as far as you can and then rip them out like you're trying to start a lawn mower. This will really get her going.
– To increase her pleasure and sensitivity, snap a rubber-band on her clit a few times, she'll scream in ecstasy.
– A girl's nipples aren't as sensitive as you think they are. Tell her you're going to give her a chest massage, but switch the lotion with some extra strength Icy Hot. It'll give her a rush of sensations that will keep her coming back for more!
– To impress a chick, do the helicopter dick.
– Spread peanut butter all over your dick, and put jelly in her pussy. Make a sandwich together, it's so romantic – and delicious.
– Remember how cute it was when she surprised you by coming to bed in your fav t-shirt and boxers? Do the same for her! Slip on a pair of her silkiest panties and a lacy tank top. She will think it's hilarious and charming!
– Slap her vagina to tenderize it. It's meat, ain't it? You gotta really apply some force, or else your efforts will be in vain. Do this repeatedly.
– Punch her in the boob to initiate foreplay. It will catch her off guard and stimulate the nipple simultaneously. Before you know it, you'll be shoving Pepsi cans up her asshole!
– For ladies with pronounced labia, coat her in turtle shell chocolate syrup and nibble your way to the sweet meat filling.
– Notice the Details! When it comes time to get naked, speak up! Show that you're really paying attention by remarking on her lopsided breasts, razor burn, and any blemishes you can find!
- Don't Shower! The strong smell of manly musk is a huge turn-on for women. When preparing for a hot date, go two or three days without showering… but if you absolutely must shower, don't wash your tackle!
– Bring It Around the Back! Vaginal intercourse is great and all, but if you're hoping to bring your partner's pleasure to the next level, surprise her by slipping it into her anus.
– Breakfast in Bed! Is your lover still asleep? Give her a delightful surprise by waking her up with breakfast… breakfast sausage, that is! Nothing starts a girl's day like feeling you thrust yourself into her mouth!
And worth mentioning something I heard in the office while researching:
speaking of spicy… I had a funny experience oncebasically fingerbanged a girl after eating suicide wingsand she's going “I'm on fire!” and I was like “and that's just my finger”totally missed the pointthought she was loving itmeanwhile she was trying to get me to stop…