We’ve all heard about the taboos about dominance and submission which are also lumped in with BDSM in general. People talk about dominance and their mind automatically goes to dungeons. They think about submission and they think about slaves. To play with the roles of dominance and submission is still seen to be strange and the people who actively engage in these practices are considered to be a little weird at best. We’ve explained before that BDSM is so much more than the popular culture taboo that’s going around, but the same is true of the role of the submissive in a Dom/sub relationship.
People think that domination means being overbearing and bossy when a true Dominant finds a submissive that he or she doesn’t need to bully into doing what they want. Domination is about control, not about being someone who batters the other person into doing something that they don’t want to do. Submissive is the opposite of that, someone who gives up their control willingly and with no force required in order to serve the dominant person in the relationship.
As you may have gathered, that requires a lot of trust and a secure relationship between both parties. A true dominant won’t force a submissive to do something that they would hate doing and a true submissive doesn’t need to be bullied into heeding another person’s whims. There is a strong bond of respect (not to mention trust) that goes along with people who are in dominant and submissive relationships. The end result of a dominant and submissive relationship after all is to give pleasure more than anything else.
In a true Dominant/submissive relationship, it is the submissive who holds all the control. While the dominant holds the control for the majority of the time, a single safe word from the submissive should be able to bring all sexual activities to a grinding halt.
The old myth that being a submissive is all about being humiliated and used is slowly being eroded, but not fast enough. Giving up most vestiges of control can be empowering in a world where so much is already out of our control. We’re struggling for those last scraps of things that we can control, what to have for lunch, what time to leave for work and which route to take to work. Even though our lives tend to be highly regimented around a work schedule, there’s an illusion of choice around us. What kind of drink do we want? Fries or onion rings? This train or the next one? We seem to be drowning in choice while our choices actually narrow.
To give up all of that is a relief that can’t quite be put into works. If you trust your Dominant (which you should if you’re going to have this kind of relationship), putting the power in their hands will not only give you the relief of not having to make any choices, but can help to make that intimacy that much stronger.
Many people who are submissive will talk about feeling safe when they’re with their dominant. For a little while, you can give yourself up and let someone else take care of you for awhile. The idea that the submissives do everything for their dominant without receiving anything in return is also a false one as many submissives will get much more attention than their dominant will simply because they are the ones who are being denied and who are being taken care of.
Sound intriguing? Talk to your affair partner about it and start off slow. Don’t try to rush into what is in truth, a lifestyle. But who knows? Maybe you’ll find the experience addicting and you’ll be looking for more people to dominate you so you can be free for those all to brief sessions.