We very rarely think about how important sex is to our relationship. We kind of take it for granted while things are good, and when (if) things aren’t so good we tend to blame it on everything else, when actually we control our own sex lives. There are several factors that can affect a couples’ sex life; stress, having a child, work, fatigue. These can all diminish your libido and sex drive, however it is extremely important to try and not let that get you down. I heard an interesting quote while listening to one of my favorite radio shows the other day at work.
“When in relationship, great sex represents only about 10% of the relationship, but when you are having bad sex or no sex that represents 90% of the relationship”.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized how true this actually is. When you’re having great sex in your relationship, everything else seems so easy. The communication seems to be better, there is more compassion and tenderness. You want to spend more time with the other person, you want to do everything for the other person, everything seems almost blissful Even things outside of the relationship seem easier, by not having any negativity or stress from the relationship the rest of life’s stresses and challenge seems relatively easy. You feel supported and connected, like you’re facing everything together.
Now think about how it is when you’re having little to no sex, or bad sex in your relationship. Couples tend to argue more, be less tolerant of one another, they might even start to resent each other. All of which can make intimacy that much harder to achieve. It’s a vicious cycle that couples often fall victim to. Often the neglect of the sexual relationship can also lead to sex substitutes like comfort eating, alcohol and drug abuse, or even infidelity. These are not only self-destructive behaviors but they can also tear a couple up until there is nothing left.
It's simple… MAKE SEX A PRIORITY!
It is important to redirect some energy in your sex life. As I say “take time to make time”. No more excuses, forget about “I’m too tired” or “We are just to busy”. Remember that your relationship might depend on it.
Try to open up the lines of communication as it’s important to let your partner know how you feel. Remember to stay positive when doing so, negativity will only add to the problem. In most cases simply making an effort can also turn things around. Most couples find it relatively easy to recapture their intimacy, and it will become easier as they start to feel closer and more connected once again. They will stop simply co-existing and remember what they once had before kids, work, or life in general became to busy.
It’s up to you to improve your sex life and reverse the negative cycle. Eliminate the stress that bad sex or no sex can have on your relationship. This will allow you to focus on other challenges that life may hand you. With the negative cycle reversed you can go on in life facing these other challenges feeling more connected and supported.