We are beings that are constantly changing. While the brain used to be thought of as an immovable machine, we now know that there is a plasticity to our mind that enables it to change itself as required. People who were born blind have been able to see. Those with massive brain damage have been able to reassert themselves, we just need to figure out how to give the brain the tools to fix itself and it will do so.
So you’re in a slump and your marriage isn’t cracking up to be all you thought it would be. You’re not unhappy in your marriage exactly, there’s just something missing that you can’t get off your mind. What that thing is different for everyone and so we can’t counsel you on that specifically, but when it comes to a slump you know that you need to change something. It can be enormously hard to change our habits. Our brains are wired so that the neural pathways become more set and easier for us to follow the more that we follow a certain thought process. This is why it’s so easy to start a habit and much harder to break it.
If you’re in a slump though, you need to take your routine and break it over your knee. It doesn’t need to be the whole routine, but at the very least you need to change something within it in order to inject new life into your relationships. For some people this is picking up a new hobby, for some this is an extramarital affair and for some it’s spending more time with their family. It really depends on what you feel you’re missing in your life.
Jobs can be boring and unrewarding so if this is the problem that you’re having, it would be good to go back to school or at least to start reading so you can better yourself if this is the problem you’re having with your life. If it’s that you feel stifled at home, try going out one night a week and taking a night just to yourself. You can make a deal with your spouse so that you get one night off and they also get one night away from the house.
Whatever the problem, it’s important to remember that as humans we never stop changing. Each experience changes us and we have to learn how to take those changes and form ourselves into the person that we want to be. There’s no easy way out of a rut, it takes work no matter what you’re going to do and if you decide that an affair is what’s lacking in your life then all the power to you. Take the experiences that you have while having your extramarital affairs and use them to shape who you want to be.
The only thing we would caution against is impulsively having affairs. Sometimes it works, but if you’re constantly letting your libido dictate your actions then you’re going to get caught. If you’re thinking with something other than your brain then you’re not really learning or growing as a person. You’re learning as much from your extramarital affairs as you would from eating a fast food hamburger.
Yes, it’s tasty and it’s fast, but it doesn’t feel as good as the meal that you had to wait for does.
So take your time and enjoy the moment. Constantly seek to improve yourself and your situation in life. After all, we’ve only got this life so we should make the best of it.