So you set up a profile on Ashley Madison, you met someone, and you started an affair. Now you feel guilty. What do you do about that?
Even if you believe humans aren’t meant to be monogamous, and even if you have no intention of leaving your spouse, partner, or significant other, entering into an affair outside of your relationship can still cause feelings of guilt, shame and anguish that you didn’t anticipate.
The first thing you need to know is, this is normal, and you’re not the only one who goes through it. Even people who carry on affairs for years go through bouts of feeling guilty and almost confessing. A lot of people do confess. Here’s the best piece of advice I can give you about all of this. Are you ready?
That’s right. I said don’t be honest. Lie. Never tell. You know why? Because while suspecting something’s going on may not feel great for your partner, knowing it for sure can be devastating. It can end your relationship. It can make your husband or wife feel horrible, and deeply damage their self-esteem.
Think about the reason you’d consider telling your significant other about your affair. Be honest. It’s because you feel like YOU can’t live with the guilt, right? Because YOU feel bad, and YOU want to feel better. So you think if you tell and get it off your chest, YOU won’t feel bad anymore.
That’s all probably true. But this isn’t only about YOU. As you begin to feel better for having cast off that burden, your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, whoever, feels like crap. How is that fair?
If you’re going to have an affair, you need to go into it knowing that it may not work out. It may not feel great every single day. That you are deceiving someone. That you may feel guilty about it later. That you may be tempted to tell them about it.
Confessing is selfish. If you can’t handle the guilt, end the affair and move on. If you absolutely have to get it off your chest, tell someone other than the person you cheated on. Talk to your best friend, your sibling, your pastor, a bartender, or a taxi driver you’ll never see again. Then do something nice for your sweetie, and commit to being committed.
If you think you may not be able to handle the guilt, don’t start an affair in the first place. Yeah, you heard me. This is the Ashley Madison blog and I’m telling you not to even go there if you can’t handle it. Having an affair should be fun and exciting, but you also have to be grown up and responsible about it.
As the saying goes, if you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.