There is something to be said for those who take a bad break-up well. It happens to the best of us, even those of us who are having affairs because it is human nature to grow attached to things that they become used to whether they are people, objects, pets and even routines. So what do you do if you’ve had a bad parting with an affair partner or an affair has ended when you weren’t ready for it?
The first thing you’re not going to do is sit there with a bruised and bleeding heart. Break-ups are bad and the last thing you want is your spouse clueing in. If you had a time machine you could go back and make sure that you didn’t get emotionally attached, but since those don’t exist and since there’s a ton of paradoxes that could arise out of that… you’re better off learning how to deal with the break-up blues.
The best thing to do when you’re dealing with a break-up is keep busy. If you’ve broken things off with your affair partner and are feeling down, don’t let yourself stay that way and mope about it. Over-thinking is the clear killer here and you don’t want to let yourself fall into that rut where you think about how things could be done differently. Instead fill your life with something whether it’s your kids, a new hobby or even work. As long as your mind is occupied, you’ll forget how sad you are.
Another thing that is good to do when you’re dealing with a break-up of any kind is to go to the gym. It sounds crazy, right? Who would want to exercise when you’re dealing with a funk? Well, exercising releases endorphins in your body. Not only does it help you to get in shape, but it gives you that happy chemical boost that you’re going to need in order to get where you want to. The more regularly you exercise, the more that you’ll find that you’re in a better mood. This is part of the reason (routine aside) that going to the gym can get addicting simply because your body isn’t going to be as happy without its endorphin release.
On another note, eating will also help to raise your mood. Now we’re not talking about binge-eating since that will only slow your body down and make you feel sluggish. Instead, have a little piece of chocolate now and again to get that same endorphin rush that you would from sex. It will help you to keep your moods more regular.
The best way to avoid post-affair malaise of any kind is to keep your emotions out of it. Unless you’re willing to risk being attached to someone and the consequences that can come of that, you need to keep a clear head during an affair. This is harder during those affairs where you’re seeking an emotional connection, but even with those there are ways that you can avoid getting hurt.
1. Fools rush in. You’re not going to want to let those walls down for awhile. It can be tempting to let a person in so they can heal all the wounds that you’re carrying around with you, but that’s just asking to be hurt. While you don’t need to be guarded, don’t open yourself up too much or too fast. Just take things slow and it will work out.
2. Don’t let the affair seep into other areas of your life. You’re going to want to keep your affair separate from your work and home lives, so make sure that you keep your affair in this little box in your mind. Don’t daydream about it at work, don’t think about it at home. The only time you want to think about the affair you’re having or your affair partner is when you’re actively talking to them or seeing them. This makes it easier for you to continue to not think about your affair partner at home or at work should things go sour.
3. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. You don’t have to go out and have multiple affairs with multiple people at one time since that can be hard to juggle, but make sure that if you’re seeking companionship that you don’t rely solely on your affair partner for that. Go out with your co-workers or your friends as well. Often when a marriage is broken or breaking, there is a lot of stress on the spouse who decides to cheat. Putting all of the responsibility for that stress on your affair partner is hardly fair so spread out your social times evenly.