No, let’s change that. Everyone loves the idea of car sex. Once they get to the actual business of it, car sex can be incredibly awkward. So you’ve had this fantasy of having sex with your affair partner in your car and since you’ve never had sex in a car before, you want to know what you’re doing? We’re here to help you and are swooping in to save the day like Batman minus the gruff voice and the fisticuffs. Car sex is fun, it is a lot of fun and the fact that you can change locations so easily with it makes it a prime way to get your rocks off when you’re having an extramarital affair.
But car sex is different from most other kinds of sex so here are things to keep in mind when you’re having it.
The truth of the matter is that the bigger your car, the easier it is to have sex in. It is far easier to have sex in a mini-van or in an SUV than it is in a tiny sports car. Unless, of course, it is a convertible but then you also need to have a pretty strong exhibitionist edge to be able to get it up while you put the top down. Before you decide to have sex with your affair partner in your car make sure that you’ve tried sitting in different places in your car. How much room is there? Can you adjust the seats? Will there be space for the two of you to move freely? Figuring this out beforehand means that you can get right to business when the time comes.
By this we mean the car’s body. If you want to leave marks on each other and are confident that no one will find out? Have at it, my friends. Remember that even clothing can mark and scuff up your car so try to keep scratchy fabrics and anything resembling a button away from your car’s body. You can have sex on the hood if you’d like, but make sure that the ass that is rubbing away at your paint is a naked one simply so you don’t have to explain the strange markings on your car to your spouse.
This ties back into the size conundrum that we were talking about earlier. If you don’t have the right sized car for sex then never fear, you can have oral sex instead. Being in a different location is often enough to spice things up between you and your affair partner so try out some oral sex or using your fingers in the car. It will get both of you to be a bit more creative and will be a lot less awkward in the long run.
Tying back to oral sex, there’s this trend of people giving blowjobs while their affair partner is driving. We cannot begin to explain how excruciatingly dumb this is. One, leaning down to perform oral sex while in a car puts your head right by the airbag. If the air bag goes off while you’re doing this, you could get seriously hurt or even snap your neck. Secondly, people are really distracted when they’re having sex. It is very hard to concentrate one driving while you’re getting the blow job or the fingering of your life. If your partner wants to give you a blow job while you’re driving then do the smart thing and pull over. If you’re not supposed to drive and text at the same time, why would you try to drive and have sex simultaneously?
Sex stinks. It absolutely reeks and more than that, sex gives off a very distinct scent that fabrics soak up. Because of this, you’re going to want to make sure that clean out your car properly. Use odor killers in order to hide and/or destroy the sex smell that is going to be left in your car. The only time you don’t need to worry about this is if you regularly smoke in your car as nothing is going to overwhelm that scent. Fabrics soak up scents like crazy and considering that your love juices are probably going to get on the seats if nothing else, you’d best be ready with some Febreeze.