A question that we get a lot is whether or not we think that a relationship that was founded on an extramarital affair could blossom into something else.
The short answer is yes. If that’s all you wanted to know, then you can skip the rest of this article, but the long answer is more than that. Affairs aren’t cut and dry things, just like the people that are having the affairs, the reasons for them are complex and no extramarital affair is quite like another one. You have to realize that there is definitely a possibility for you to meet the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with from an affair, but there are some caveats that is going to make it harder to start a new relationship from an affair than a regular relationship.
One of these is the fact that the both of you will still be attached when you meet. Since affairs tend to be transient things, you’re never quite sure how they’re going to end up. Make sure that you’re giving your affair partner the right signals and not jumping the gun when it comes to your feelings on the matter. It’s easy to become emotionally attached to someone, particularly if intimacy is what has been missing in your marriage and is what got you into your affairs in the first place. You want to make sure that you’re reading the signs right so communicating is going to be very important here.
Trust is also a huge factor when it comes to relationships and since you’re both getting out of marriages that have been rocky, this can be difficult. If we’re going to be honest, it’s probably better for you and your affair partner to maintain a long term affair rather than rushing into a relationship when you don’t know each other well. We know, we know, it’s tempting, but you have to keep the rest of your life balanced against what you want for the short term.
Since no affair is the same and thus, no affair partner is the same we can’t say how to guarantee that a relationship that started through infidelity will work. There are no cut and dry guidelines, but we would suggest that you use the knowledge from your failed marriages in order to fix the problems that might come up in your new relationship.
Was the problem between you and your spouse the sex? Then why not try having an open relationship or swinging together?
Did you have trouble talking to your spouse? Make a concerted effort to keep the lines of communication open between you and your affair partner.
Knowing where things went wrong in your marriage and accepting responsibility for at least some of them will help you to become not just a better affair partner, but someone who is happier in the relationships that they’ve found through their extramarital affairs.
Some people will say that a relationship that is founded on an affair is doomed to fail from the very beginning. A rushed relationship that started with an affair is probably going to fail or one that is not based on open communication and instead focuses on fulfilling one specific need.
But if you’re willing to put in the work and learn from the past mistakes that both you and your spouse made? There’s no reason why extramarital affairs can’t turn into long term relationships.
It all depends on what you want and what you’re looking for.