“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Ever heard that? It’s very true. The first question you need to ask yourself before you even think about going to meet someone you’ve connected with on Ashley Madison is, Why are you here?
Now don’t give me that, “To have an affair. Duh.” answer. That’s a complex question and you know it. Yes, you signed up with Ashley Madison to have an affair. But why? Did you fall out of love with your spouse? Did your sex life with your wife end when you had kids? Are you no longer sexually attracted to your husband? The possible answers are endless, but they all have one thing in common—sex at home just isn’t working for you anymore.
When that happens, a few other things may follow. Maybe you don’t feel the need to look attractive for your wife, so you’ve put on a few pounds. Maybe you don’t shave your legs as often because it’s not like your husband is noticing anyway. And that brings us to the first encounter first impression. If you’ve let a few things go at home, that’s where you need to leave them.
No one signs up with Ashley Madison to find a duplicate of their current partner. The point is to find something new and different. When you make a connection with someone online, and you go to meet them for the first time, the last thing you want to do is remind them of what’s waiting for them at home. So put down that second helping of pizza, break out the razor, and follow these tips to make a great first impression during your first encounter.
I’m not talking suit and tie or a cocktail dress, unless that’s appropriate attire for wherever you decide to meet. What I mean is, if your household uniform has become sweats or a comfy pair of baggy jeans because you’re not worrying about looking good for your partner, that’s not exactly going to make you attractive to your potential affair mate. Put a little thought into your ensemble. Let your connection know you respect their time by making an effort to look good for them.
There’s probably stuff you do every day—shave your face, condition your hair—but for an initial encounter, you may want to do a little extra. Maybe get a haircut, if you’re due for one. Put on a little makeup, even if you’ve fallen out of the habit. And if you’ve already spoken to your potential affair mate and there’s a good chance your first encounter will go further than just drinks or dinner, you may want to do a little grooming south of the border as well.
If you’ve corresponded via e-mail or instant message, you’ve probably already shared with each other why you’re pursuing something outside your relationship. Even if you haven’t, keep that discussion brief. Sharing why you’re both using Ashley Madison can be a way to find compatibility, but don’t turn your first encounter into a bitch session about how terrible your home life is, or into a therapy session about how depressed you are in your marriage. If that’s what you’re looking for, you’re on the wrong site. Bring it up or don’t. Answer a couple of questions about it, and then move on. Don’t dwell. This includes saying things that you may think are compliments like, “Wow, you’re so much prettier than my wife!” Yeah, keep that one to yourself, buddy.
You just met, for crying out loud, and you’re not trying to build a long-term relationship. If you are, then once again, you’re probably on the wrong site. You both have significant others and responsibilities at home. This is supposed to be about fun and escape so you can better manage your home life. The worst thing you can do is get clingy or possessive right off the bat or, you know, at all. Think of your potential affair mate as a friend with benefits. Not a girl/boyfriend, not a potential spouse, and not a soul mate. Be friendly, but keep a little distance at the same time.
Now it’s your turn. What advice do you have for others for their first encounters? Any horror stories you want to share? Let’s hear it!