When it comes to affairs and to the affair partner that you choose for yourself (or partners, whatever floats your boat), there are little things that you can do to ensure that your affair partner feels good. Most of the times, the little things that we do for each other whether it’s a friendship, a marriage, or an extramarital affair, don’t take much time or effort from us. It’s just getting in the habit of thinking this way that can be hard.
Whatever relationship that you’re in and whatever relationship that you’re looking for, you’re going to be able to find that changing your ways of thinking so that you’re keeping your affair partner in the back of your mind is going to help you in the long run. We would never suggest putting your affair partner, or even your spouse, before your own needs all the time. You need to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself before you can look to the needs of others, but just remembering that another person is there can be half the battle.
1) Reach out first.
Whether you’re a man or a woman, it can feel intimidating to be the one who reaches out first. Maybe they’ll start thinking that they’re harassing you by texting so much and this usually ends with your affair partner not texting you as much as you might want them to. So pick up your phone and send out a text. Don’t worry about the amount of time that it takes them to get back to you, even knowing that someone is thinking of you can be nice.
Just a word to the wise, since you don’t know who’s going to be around to pick up the phone, you’re going to want to keep your text messages innocuous and unassuming. Sexting without setting up an agreement to sext first is right out.
2) Limit the stressful thinking about your interactions.
It’s natural to think over the interactions that you’ve had with another person even if they’re not your affair partner, so don’t feel like you’re making a huge mistake if you’re a person who does that. The key is to know when to stop. When you’re agonizing over something that the person said or starting to think that they’ve lost interest in you because they haven’t responded to your texts within an hour, you need to take a step back. Being proactive in a relationship and reaching out first is a great thing, but if you take it too far and read too much into the responses you are getting back, you’ll only stress out both you and your affair partner in the end.
3) Be affectionate without fear.
Maybe you’re a person who isn’t overly affectionate and we’re not saying that you need to fawn over your affair partner, but you want to make sure that you’re going to give a clear signal that you’re interested. Whether your idea of affectionate is a smile or by sending out your initial text, you’re going to find that you’re both a lot more relaxed around each other once affection enters the fray. Keep in mind that affection doesn’t mean that you’re going into anything serious, it simply means that you’re appreciative and showing interest in a subtle way.
4) Be appreciative when you can.
Keep in mind that we’re not saying that you need to reach over, look your affair partner in the eyes and tell them baldly that you appreciate them. You are only going to creep people out if you try to do things that way. What we’re saying is that you need to say “thank you” when the occasion calls for it, and you shouldn’t take for granted any of the little things that your affair partner might do for you. Taking things for granted is just going to make you seem like you’re entitled and will make it a lot harder for you to find an affair partner who will be patient enough to deal with that.
5) Listen to what they have to say.
We’ve talked about the difference between hearing and listening before. It’s still true. Everyone wants to feel like they’re important and listening is a core part of that. Listen to what they say and if you don’t remember something, don’t be afraid to ask them to explain it again. That shows that you have interest in what they have to say and faking it until you make it rarely works when it comes to listening. The longer you lie about whether or not you’re paying attention, the bigger the problem it will be when they find out that you weren’t.