There are times when we hear about someone who has a possessive streak in them who’s trying to have an affair. This is something that you need to examine if you’re someone who doesn’t share well with others. You either need to try to get better with that or at the very least find ways to deal with your possessiveness because the core point of an affair is that neither of you belong to each other. You don’t get to make the kind of claim on your affair partner that you would with a more traditional sexual partner and you need to keep this strictly no strings attached unless your affair partner requests otherwise.
So in order to put it all in perspective, here are some things that you can do to ease that possessive streak that you’ve got going there.
1) Put yourself in their shoes.
You wouldn’t like it if someone else was watching over you like a hawk and constantly overanalyzing what you were doing, so why are you doing it to them? If you can put yourself in their shoes and think about how domineering or controlling you are either being or want to be, then that can help you put the stop on those feelings that well up inside you. It might not take the possessive streak away completely, but at the very least will help to ensure that you’re not going to be taking it out on your affair partner.
2) Remember what you’re signing up for.
When you’re looking for an extramarital affair, it is in its very essence not going to be monogamous. The person that you’re with has a spouse and other responsibilities that they need to make sure they pay attention to so if you’re someone who needs your affair partner’s attention focused on you all the time then you’re not going to find having affairs easy. Try to fight this irrational need with your more rational side. No one can give you their attention all the time and you wouldn’t be able to give your affair partner all the attention that they might want either.
3) Articulate that this is a little difficult for you.
No one likes to show weakness, but with an affair partner it can be a little easier. You know how it’s easier to talk to a stranger about your problems than someone who is connected to them? The same can go for your affair partner. Just make sure that you explain yourself clearly or you’re going to come across like someone who is a few colours short of a rainbow. You don’t want to overload someone either and so don’t have a big serious talk all at once. Maybe try mentioning in an offhand way that you can get possessive and see what your affair partner has to say to that.
4) Don’t feed the possessiveness.
The next step is jealousy and there’s a reason that they call it the green-eyed monster. It is a terrible thing to have to wrestle with and it’s even worse for your affair partner who has likely done nothing wrong to deal with. You are going to find yourself in a lot of dead ends if you let your possessiveness get the best of you and the more frustrated you get with your search, the more dead ends you will find until your possessiveness will be the first thing a potential affair partner sees. You won’t even be able to hide it any more. So don’t feed into possessive thoughts and feelings because it’s easy to make into a habit.