There’s this idea that when you fall in love with someone, you need to give them everything. Human beings are too complicated to be able to do so and there are always little pieces of ourselves that we partition off from each other. We try hard to give as much as we can to our partner’s and spouses, but that much sharing and openness can be draining. Of course there are some people who are an exception to this rule and all the power to them, but if something is wrong with your marriage it can be hard to tell someone you care about that things are changing for you.
This is especially true when people have gone through the couple’s counselling and all the other steps that are prescribed in order to save a failing relationship. Most people who have affairs have tried other things prior to this and are looking to affairs as their last chance. To fix what is wrong with their marriage, they are looking outside of it after all other avenues that have been exhausted.
When you’re in an affair though, it’s necessary to close off some parts of yourself. Unless you’re in an open relationship with your spouse, you can’t be honest about the affair that you’re having. It can be a hard shift to get used to, but the important thing is to realize that you need to live for yourself. Should you take other people into consideration? Of course, but this is your life and you need to make sure that you’re getting what you need.
What do you need to ensure that you do in order to have a successful affair?
Don’t let everything bleed out into one another. The more organized you keep your life, the easier it will be for you to have an affair. If everything is all mashed together than not only will it be difficult for you to have an affair, but you might not enjoy it as much because you won’t be able to separate how you’re feeling in that instant from how you’re feeling overall. Try to keep your affair as separate as possible from the rest of your life to avoid any spillover.
2) Learn how to lie.
We’re not saying that you need to become a master in the field, but affairs required lying. Lies aren’t always a bad thing and while how you lie or why you lie is going to be up to you in the end, you can’t easily have an affair without telling a single lie. Just remind yourself that this is about your happiness and is helping you to keep up with your other responsibilities if you find yourself struggling with it.
3) Keep things simple.
If you’re going to tell a lie, don’t make it one with lots of details. You’re not going to remember all of them. If you want to have an affair, you don’t need to make it an elaborate date that takes weeks to prepare and you want to make sure that your scheduling is without conflict. If you can only meet for an hour or so every third week so long as it doesn’t fall on a Thursday then you’re not going to have a good time. The less thought that you need to put into finding your affair once you’ve decided to have one, the better.
4) Have affairs with people who are cheating.
This might sound like simple knowledge, but you want to make sure that you’re having an affair with someone else who is cheating as well. This way you both have equal stakes and there’s no imbalance of power between the two of you. There are plenty of singles who are also great for having affairs with, but for the best balance of power within the relationship you want to make sure that both of you are having an affair rather than just you.