There’s always a chance that you’re going to meet the person who’s just right for you when you have an affair. It’s not always going to be the case, but there’s a chance. What you need to make sure that you’re not doing is falling into the trap of being a needy person. There’s a rush when you have an extramarital affair, particularly your first extramarital affair and you need to make sure that you’re not going to carry that over into something else. It’s easy sometimes to think there are feelings when there aren’t any or to pin your expectations on someone, but avoid giving in to these urges if you can.
After all, people are having affairs because they want something that doesn’t remind them of their marriage. They want something new and different. You want to make sure that you’re not falling into the pit of being the nagging, needy spouse when you’re having an affair. This may mean that you need to lie a bit because not all of us are as laid back as we’d like to be, but it will be better in the long run and help you to work on your dependence issues.
So what do you need to make sure that you’re not doing when you’re having an affair?
1) Don’t fall in love.
This might sound self-explanatory and obvious, but we’re serious here. Those chemicals that sex will flood your brain with are heavy, but don’t let your heart weigh in and decide that you’re in love with your affair partner. If there’s an emotional connection then you can deal with that as it comes, but you want to make sure that you’re not mistaking those happy chemicals from your physical release with true emotional attachment to someone.
2) Don’t assume.
Your affair partner has an entire life that you’re not even close to being a part of when you’re having an extramarital affair. So you can’t make assumptions off of their life or base your assumptions on your own experiences. It’s not the same and you don’t know about their habits well enough to make these kinds of judgements. The fewer assumptions that you make, the easier that your affairs are going to become and you’re going to enjoy yourself a lot more.
3) Don’t expect a lot of time.
Everyone is trying their best to find time for an affair and unless your affair partner has no job and no children, chances are that things are going to become difficult for you. Asking for a lot of their time is going to make you come across as clingy and you don’t want to make it so you’re too available. Having a bit of a challenge is nice, it makes the reward worth it. We’re not saying be difficult, you just don’t want to be too easy. It’s strange to think of, but being too available and wanting to see your affair partner all the time usually ends up with you seeing them a lot less.
Think of the things that are driving you to look for an extramarital affair outside of your marriage. If you’re doing these things to your affair partner then you’ve got to take a step back and examine your own behaviour. This is a chance for a fresh start and you don’t want to fall into bad habits just because it’s simple.