Sex tips can be rather a dime a dozen these days, particularly when it comes to the more difficult topics like dirty talk. You would think that this would be one of the easier topics to broach, but most of the articles either mention dirty talk in very broad terms or they give a list of examples that are so cheesy that it hurts to read them. Now don’t get us wrong, we’re not saying that dirty talk can’t be cheesy, but to tell someone that using specific sayings will get them better results than choosing what feels most comfortable to them is laughable.
While we are sure that there are people who wouldn’t mind saying “Come to Mama and spill your big, wet load inside of her”, we are equally as sure that there are a lot of people who wouldn’t like to either say or hear it.
Dirty talk is really less of something that can be proscribed as certain sayings and more something that each person needs to figure out for themselves. Dirty talk preferences are as personal as art or music with some phrases resonating while others seem stupid or at best incomprehensible. So it’s really about doing what’s best for you and what you feel comfortable with. So here are some very simple dos and don’ts so you can figure out what your dirty talk preferences are and how best to approach them.
For all its faults, porn is wonderful when it comes to safely testing your sexual horizons. Without needing to risk anything (or these days even to pay), you can see what turns you on and what doesn’t. Just like no one would expect you to be able to sing if you had never heard a song before, watching a few pornos might help you to think of what you’d like to say. We’re not saying that you need to copy them exactly, but it’s a good stepping stone for someone who’s never tried to dirty talk before or even think about it.
You’ve watched some porn and thought vaguely about what you’d want to do or say, now put those thoughts to work and think about what you’d like to say or what you’d like said to you. It’s those personal touches that make these things better and if you’re not into it, your affair partner will be able to tell. So it’s best to think of something that you would want to say rather than parroting something someone else has said because who knows what will turn you on better than you?
Don’t have anything to say? Mind gone blank? Feel free to toss in a small groan or a little moan instead of saying anything at all. Dirty talk is just a more direct way of communicating that you’re enjoying something and that you want it to continue. It’s another way to get your affair partner worked up and while the sounds might not get your point across as completely, we’re sure that your affair partner can read between the lines. You don’t need to be talking all the time while having sex so you’ll probably be relying on those noises quite a bit and using the dirty talk as an accentuation.
Exclamations like “oh God” can do just as well as a full sentence. Stringing together paragraphs often isn’t required for dirty talk unless you’re talking about your fantasies with your affair partner. There’s no need to stress about what you’re going to say or how you’re going to say it. If you just keep what you’ve fantasized about in mind and let it come out naturally, both you and your affair affair partner are going to enjoy yourselves a lot more.
This is the golden rule of sex in general and it’s no different for dirty talk. There’s nothing wrong with pushing your limits and trying something new, but if you are genuinely uncomfortable with something your affair partner wants you to say or something that you’ve thought of saying, don’t do it. A simple explanation can work wonders even if you’re afraid that you’re going to disappoint someone. It’s better to suffer a little disappointment at first than have to deal with the aftermath of lying about your comfort level with certain acts.
Romance novels do what is supposed to be the ideal, but just ends up being the absurd. They also tend to be very skewed toward one gender or another and while the romantic words while you’re having sex can be great, sometimes people just want to get down and dirty. Not all heartfelt conversations should happen in bed and just like you wouldn’t take your sex tips from a romance novel, you shouldn’t take your dirty talk tips. There are newer versions of romantic novels which are a bit closer to reality in terms of how the men act in them, but we would still advise against aping them.
Some people are really into the derogatory talk and some women will love to be called a whore or a slut, but it’s hard to know unless you talk to your affair partner about it before hand. If you haven’t talked about it, it’s better to err on the side of caution and talk about how turned on you yourself are rather than be derogatory in any way to your affair partner. While some people will love being debased and while this may be your deepest, darkest fantasy rushing in without the proper checks and balances could end in disaster.
This ties into the previous don’t, but it’s always good to have an open line of communication between you and your affair affair partner. It’s easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment, but to have the best sex, both parties need to be into it. As such, make sure that you’ve tested the waters or talked to your affair partner before going all in on a fantasy that you’ve had. You never know what the reaction will be since sex is such a personal thing to everyone.