Why the idea of ‘cheating’ service doesn’t offend me

So are people like monkeys? Do we only let go of one branch when we have grabbed onto another one? Is monogamy a failed social experiment, doomed because of thousands of years of evolution?

North Toronto-based AshleyMadison.com thinks so, according to company founder Darren Morgenstern. His company is being considered for a new reality television series that deals with the Internet dating service’s clients in their search for love (or something else entirely) outside their monogamous relationships.

You may know about AshleyMadison.com from the infomercials that run on late-night television. They advertise that sometimes in long-term relationships needs go unfulfilled and their company offers a safe, discrete service to help you find that special someone, if you feel like cheating. Morgenstern told the Town Crier last month that people are probably going to cheat anyway, so instead of hitting on someone at the office or in bars, why not go to a service that specializes in this particular type of relationship — the one between partners already in committed relationships.

Needless to say, the service is meeting with skepticism and emotional reactions. A columnist in another edition of the Town Crier wrote about "Why the idea of ‘cheating’ show offends me". Calls demanding the site be shut down pour in, and they get their share of hate mail.

But here’s something else they get: members. In the last year and a half, their membership has increased from 50,000 to 350,000, with members from all over the world. Regardless of your beliefs, you have to appreciate a good business venture.

Morgenstern said something else that caught my ear when I wrote the original story last month. People use the service as a springboard from one relationship to another, hence the monkey analogy. Now before you get angry think about this. People don’t want to be alone, but they’re stuck in relationships that for a myriad of reasons are bad for them. Loving someone doesn’t necessarily living with that person. Finding someone else who loves you can be a confidence booster, perhaps the boost you need to improve your life.

I know this from personal experience. I’m married to the other woman. I had been in a relationship with someone for almost two years when I met the woman who would eventually become my wife. It was easier for me, as I met her on a visit to a different province, but it happened, and I was glad it did.

I’m ashamed of cheating on my previous girlfriend but I can’t regret it. I was with someone who was not right for me, but I spent the relationship denying that fact, because I did care for her. But I knew we weren’t going to be together. She had a child with the man she started seeing after me, so it worked out for the best for us both.

When I was an editor for a Nova Scotia company we had a personals section in one of our papers that I avoided religiously. We used to have a great time poking fun at all those poor, pathetic people who would come in and place their ads, looking for an afternoon delight or a midnight rendezvous with someone outside their marriage.

Then one day a man came in to place his ad. His wife had numerous health problems and had been bedridden for the previous year, unable to speak or move. He was just looking for companionship.

Yes, most people who cheat are slimy, no argument here. But don’t judge people on face value; there’s usually a reason for a particular behaviour. Just as you shouldn’t judge a business for finding a niche.

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