"Who wants to play?" asks a 22-year-old St. Catharines woman.

Others looking to hook up online vary in their degrees of directness.

"Lonely and looking for someone to fill the void."

"Fun with discretion."

"Cruising to see what�s out there."

"I�m here so come and get me!"

Among the potential partners, there are several St. Catharines and Niagara residents. Their ages range from early 20s to mid-50s and beyond. Their height, their weight, and their preferences in partners also differ.

What unites most of them is that they describe themselves as attached.

The reality of online affairs is obvious on www.ashleymadison.com, a website devoted to people looking for satisfaction outside the bounds of holy matrimony.

One married woman in her mid-30s from Welland posts a profile looking for a similarly wedded man for "a little something on the side."

Men also use the site, whose motto is "When Monogamy Becomes Monotony."

Websites that let single people expand their dating horizons aren�t a new trend. But they�ve now been joined by sites and chat rooms designed for husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, all seeking a cyber-fling or "e-fair."

These opportunities for online affairs present an emerging trend for local professionals who work with strained couples on a daily basis.

For family counsellors, the Internet represents another method for compulsive cheaters to test the waters.

And divorce lawyers are seeing more couples whose marriages have been irreparably damaged by online flings, even though talking dirty doesn�t legally constitute adultery.

"There are a rising number of people coming to me saying: �My spouse has been fooling around on the Internet,� and it often finds its way into court documents," says St. Catharines divorce lawyer Ken Garland.

Many spouses who visit him don�t draw a line between chat room cooing and physical encounters with a third person.

"It doesn�t seem to matter to some people," Garland says. "In other words, if you�ve sinned with your heart, you�ve sinned all the way."

According to a 2003 University of Florida study that interviewed male and female users of "married but flirting" chat rooms, 83 per cent did not consider themselves to be cheating. The other 17 per cent called it a weak, justifiable form of infidelity.

Here in Canada, two out of three people believe the Internet makes it easier to meet new people, according to a 2004 survey by Leger Marketing.

But about 80 per cent of those surveyed believe online chat rooms are dangerous.

Tell that to the thousands of Canadians � including many in Niagara � who patronize dating sites specializing in affairs.

Encounters can range from chat room cooing or "text sex" to a physical meeting.

Website owners defend their practice as a forum for affairs that will inevitably occur with or without the Internet.

Chat rooms continue to remain a popular destination for Web surfers. The number of households using chat groups in 2003 was 14.4 percent, nearly double the number in 1999, according to Statistics Canada.

One of Canada�s most popular sites for married people to chat and perhaps even meet is Ashleymadison.com. Founded in 2001, the site attracts more than 220,000 people � nearly 500 each day � many of whom are paid members. They buy "credits" allowing them to chat with other users. A fully-loaded annual membership costs $640 � that includes unlimited mail messaging and 1,000 "credits."

The site represents a safe place for like-minded adults to meet, says Darren Morganstern, its Toronto-based founder and managing director.

Research shows about 30 per cent of people using singles� sites are actually attached, he says.

So one of the site�s goals is to bring together like-minded people with similar experiences and emotions from their own marriages.

"We felt that if there was a big enough marketplace that could (log) onto a website where everybody was upfront about their circumstances and wouldn�t feel like they were being judged, that they would come to our service."

The Internet�s anonymity allows clients of the Ashley Madison Agency to avoid harassment or constant phone calls by potential suitors. They can feel free to "bail out" of prospective hook-ups if there�s a last-minute change of heart, as Morganstern puts it.

That screening process is one reason why Christine, not her real name, became a member of ashleymadison.com two years ago. She�s met face-to-face with about 30 men, almost all married or attached. Some dates have progressed to physical encounters, she says.

"I find it more orientated to women. It makes it easier for them," says the 32-year-old Toronto-area resident.

Christine has been married herself for five years. She occasionally has second thoughts about her decision, but confesses that her own domestic unhappiness brought on a willingness to use the Internet.

"It was probably unfulfilled desire," she says in a telephone interview.

"I probably fought against it for awhile and thought it wasn�t there."

Ashleymadison.com is not alone in competing for the online attention of cheating spouses.

Marriedsecrets.com, based in the United States, says it has thousands of profiles designed to "make sure you find your match before your neighbour does." Or there�s Marriedmatch.com, established in 1995. Or Philanderers. com, another Canadian company. Even well-known websites such as Yahoo and MSN feature chat rooms for married-to-married flirting.

But another Internet community exists in opposition to these sites. American-based Chatcheaters.com, for instance, is aimed at the maligned spouse.

It lists coping strategies, private investigators, computer spying software, information on cellular phone tracing and books on infidelity.

People even submit excuses given by their philandering partners, such as their online chats are research for a romance novel or simply a hobby.

Numerous other online support groups exist for people affected by Internet affairs to chat with each other.

Morganstern denies that sites such as his produce institutionalized home-wrecking. In his mind, people cheated on their spouses long before the Internet existed and sites such as Ashley Madison are upfront and honest about their intentions.

"If a hotel rents you a room to go and have an affair, do hotels suddenly become immoral? Is the workplace immoral? People are going to do what they�re going to do anyway," he says.

"Human beings are not monogamous on a by-and-large basis. (People) can try and pass ourselves off as puritanical but we refuse to be hypocritical."

Just how much blame should be shouldered by sites such as Morganstern�s remains a controversial issue.

Internet technology isn�t helping in the fight against infidelity, says one St. Catharines counsellor.

The same number of unstable couples are visiting Judy Chaffe at Personal Counselling Services as before Internet use surged. But she says cheating is easier now because of the access to sites that target married people.

"There�s always people who feel justified cheating on their spouse," she said. "Cheating is a character defect and I don�t think the Internet is going to make that easier."

Dealing with the fallout of Internet infidelity has also become a major part of Thomas Venema�s work as a family counsellor at his St. Catharines firm of Lidkea, Stob, Venema.

When it opened in 1979, the terms "instant messenger" and "webcam" would have drawn blank stares. Today, he says the Internet has opened new arenas of treatment for therapists.

"It wasn�t part of our reality even 10 years ago," Venema says.

"It�s given a whole new demand for our practice because for people who are unsettled, unfulfilled and feeling vulnerable, it�s a �safe way� to interact with alternate people out there."

He�s seen marriages crumble because of Internet affairs � by both men and women � that destroy trust between the partners.

Two categories of married couples are at particular risk of succumbing to online affairs, Venema says. First are those in their 20s and 30s busy raising children.

"That�s heavy-duty work, and often the romance dies away or gets limited," he explains. "A lot of people don�t take time to make sure their marriage is OK."

The second group consists of older parents experiencing empty nest syndrome as their children move out.

"There�s the feeling that their identity as a parent is going away, especially if they haven�t taken care of the intimacy of their marriage."

Not all marriages affected by Internet infidelity can be saved though.

Divorces based on catching a straying partner online seems to be an emerging trend in family law, according to Garland.

The divorce lawyer first started seeing cases involving Internet infidelity about two years ago. Now, between five and 10 per cent of his clients are affected by Internet use in some way, whether it�s a chat group or surfing pornography sites.

He calls it an unfortunate growth area for his practice.

"It seems that people are less willing to stay together now than they were 20 years ago or during our parents� generation," says Garland, who has practised for 12 years.

"The Internet seems to be exacerbating that in households where the parties can almost shop around for a new partner and meet together in secret. Before the Internet, I don�t think that kind of thing would be as easily available."

He points to a case 18 months ago involving a Niagara resident who carried on an explicit online affair over several years with someone outside Ontario.

"It all started with an Internet conversation that progressed into something more," he recalls while seated in his downtown office.

One day the spouse was gone, leaving behind a marriage, a job of 20 years, a house and other major assets. The person even refused to return for divorce litigation.

Garland tries not to sound callous when discussing the rise of Internet infidelity. But he can�t deny the benefits from a lawyer�s perspective � especially the ready-made evidence provided by chat transcripts and suggestive emails.

"It�s a lot easier to prove things when a spouse can print something off and bring it to court for a motion or for use as evidence," he says.

"It�s a boutique area of family law that is burgeoning and we�ll go with it."

Unlike traditional "he-said, she-said" affairs, spouses are finding the evidence right on their computers instead of hiring a private investigator to track movements in and out of motel rooms and restaurants.

But online affairs won�t affect the divorce process itself, only the number of new cases being reported because of technology, according to Toronto lawyer Grant Gold.

Most infidelity cases he sees result from a spouse caught red-handed, using email, cellular phones, text messaging or voice mail.

"People are going to get caught more as a result of the technology, but it�s not going to change the practice of family law," says Gold, chair of the Ontario Bar Association�s family law section and a divorce lawyer since 1981.

One reason is that current Canadian divorce laws contain no-fault provisions that only require proof of a marital breakdown such as separation or adultery.

But Internet chat sessions aren�t legally considered adultery; only a physical relationship is. In any event, Gold says, the only benefit from claiming adultery is to speed up the divorce process.

"I don�t think it makes a lawyer�s job any different at all. It makes the client�s job easier in finding out.

"In the good old days you�d have P.I.s like in the movies, bursting through doors with cameras. But that�s when you needed fault (to obtain a divorce). And those days are gone."

The person having the online affair has accepted his or her behaviour as wrong in each of the local cases handled by Garland. No one has acted innocent or indignant, he says.

"If there�s a lesson to be learned, it�s that if you�re going to put it in black and white, you can expect to see it in a court document at some point because it�s the best evidence we have of the infidelity.

"Especially if your spouse is inclined to consider that cheating."

©  Copyright 2004 OSPREY Media Group Inc.