Unfaithful dot com

Many Web sites have recently opened up for those who find monogamy monotonous -- even in Toronto the good, as Valerie Gibson relates

UNFAITHFUL WIVES. They're hot news these days as female cheating is apparently on the increase. According to a cover story in Newsweek recently, The New Infidelity, married women are cheating almost as much as married men -- 40% of women as opposed to 50% of men.

According to a cover story in Newsweek recently, The New Infidelity, married women are cheating almost as much as married men -- 40% of women as opposed to 50% of men.

The story cites "more opportunity" as a major factor where women are concerned and says most married women find their lovers at work.

But technology is now taking a hand in illicit liaisons making cheating not only easier, but more focused and accessible to those contemplating it.

Whereas the Internet already has thousands of popular dating sites for singles of every kind and every taste, the newest offerings on the Web are chat rooms and sites specifically for people who want an affair.

Yahoo and MSN.com offer chat rooms for marrieds who want to "flirt" but the newest, and hottest, sites are aimed at married people who want to cheat on their spouses with other married people.

Sites such as Married-match.com and Marriedsecrets.com are based in the U.S. while Ashleymadison.com is a Toronto-based site that's getting the most attention.

Began in January 2002, the Ashley Madison Agency -- trademarked slogan "when monogamy becomes monotony"-- already has 275,000 members, says Darren Morgenstern, founder and managing director.

The site has been so successful that, in June, an equivalent site was launched in Los Angeles, with others to follow in the U.S.

It's certainly been a successful experience for one Toronto married woman who became a member in March 2002.

So successful, she's written an explicit book about her exploits on the site under her member name, Sharon Sharalike.

SCANDALOUS WORLD

The Ashley Madison Diaries -- One Woman's Secret Journey into the Scandalous World of Infidelity is being published by AshMad Press, a division of the Ashley Madison Agency.

It will be offered free on Ashleymadison.com/diaries until September15 and after that will be in bookstores.

Obviously a number of married guys around the Toronto area are going to break out in a sweat at the news, but Sharon Sharalike says the experiences have been fictionalized a lot, no real names have been used and the descriptions of the men have been "adjusted" to be unrecognizable.

"Even the one with the extremely small penis?" I ask incredulously at our interview. "The one you made fun of for his size?"

She looks surprised. "He was a mix of several I met."

But Sharon Sharalike is no vengeful woman ranting after rejection. She's an attractive, thirtysomething teacher who says she had no difficulty hooking up with plenty of other lonely and unhappily-married men.

According to her book, she was actively encouraged by her closest married girlfriends who were also busy cheating, although not on the Internet.

Sharalike says some of the men on the site merely wanted to chat and share their marital problems, others were looking for sex while the ones she finally dated wanted a relationship with someone who was discreet and who didn't want to change their own marital status.

But why did an intelligent woman with two small children, married to a successful professional man (she euphemistically calls him "Dogbiscuit" in her diaries), want an affair?

"I married when I was too young to my very first lover. It was a very unhappy relationship. I was lonely and love-deprived. My husband had no interest whatsoever in me and we lived separate lives.

"But, although I was desperate for a hug and some loving from someone other than my kids, and knew that one day I would divorce, I still wanted to stay married until the kids were grown."

Since she states at the end of her book that her marriage has now ended, I ask what happened along the way?

"I fell in love," she sighs.

Her lover, also married, felt the same and his marriage is now in the process of dissolving, although Sharalike says they are now "just friends."

So was it all worth it since I know she's now in the process of a difficult divorce,

She doesn't hesitate.

"Yes, absolutely! I had fun, learned a lot and met so many nice people."

People who, like her, think it's okay to be unfaithful.

©  Copyright 2004 Toronto Sun 2004